Missing A Piece That Was Never There

\Just posting because I keep thinking about something lately. It probably shouldn't affect me now at all, because I didn't even know this person but I can't stop thinking about her.

I miss my grandmother, Donna Fae. My Dad's mom.

She passed away from some sort of female genital cancer when he was a senior in high school, before he met my mom. So I never knew her and she never know me. My dad would always tell me stories about her because... I must have asked when I was little alot. We have this picture of her when she was young with a violin, which made me want to play the violin. I never got to because the one in the picture went to my cousin for some reason (which I was mildly bitter about then).

My mom would tell me that the night before I was born, it snowed. In March. So there was snow on the ground when I came in to this world and my mom said that it was a blessing from my grandma. So that is what I always thought snow was, a gift from my grandma (I still do sometimes). I also believed that she was my guardian angel, looking over my shoulder when ever I needed one. Because if she couldn't be there supporting me in this life, she would support me in the afterlife. I don't think my dad realizes how much I think about this woman or how much I miss her. I have cried about it a couple time, I am now.

When we did go to things that involved my dad's family, I would hear the adults say how much I looked like Donna and how I was just like her. That I was the spitting-image of her and all that. My dad says that if she was alive, she would be the biggest supporter of my work in the arts. I think that is one of the reasons I miss her the most. None of my family outside of my immediate one has ever shown any kind of support for the work I have been doing. Knowing that she would be at everything, cheering for me almost hurts.

I wish she was here. I think a lot of things might be different. I think we would have better relationships with my dad's side of the family. I think my dad might be a slightly happier person (not saying that he isn't). I think that I wouldn't feel this odd empty presence in my life when I think about family. I miss her.