when you get that weird, nagging feeling in the back of your head. You just tell yourself to ingore it, cause you are being stupid. And you generally forget it... because it is completely wrong and move on.
But what if it is right? And you weren't being stupid... What then?
How can you tell? hmmm.. :/
Currently listening:
In Rainbows
By Radiohead
Release date: 2008-01-01
Monday, September 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Big Ol’ Fork
What do you do when you sit at the fork in the road?
You stare down one way, thinking of all the good that others spoke of. How far it will take you. The other road is one they are wary of. Warning that unhappiness may lurk farther down.
One with a more definite future than the other....
What are you supposed to do if you what to take both? Yet both seem to go in two totally different directions? Go down one and hope for the best... that the other road with meet up with your chosen path and all be be fine?
So... I sit here... watching others pass me by with what seems like no problem. Most go down the appointed path, a few stop a moment then go the other road.
So what is my problem?
Maybe it is because I don't like to take risks where I won't know the outcome.
Maybe it is because I am scared....
That I don't move... That I take baby steps in each direction.... but somehow get farther down the road that others are telling me to take.
I don't know. But I want both... I need both.
I will make it work somehow. If I have to walk in the middle where there is no path... Sounds like an adventure.
Currently reading:
Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College
By Jennifer Worick
You stare down one way, thinking of all the good that others spoke of. How far it will take you. The other road is one they are wary of. Warning that unhappiness may lurk farther down.
One with a more definite future than the other....
What are you supposed to do if you what to take both? Yet both seem to go in two totally different directions? Go down one and hope for the best... that the other road with meet up with your chosen path and all be be fine?
So... I sit here... watching others pass me by with what seems like no problem. Most go down the appointed path, a few stop a moment then go the other road.
So what is my problem?
Maybe it is because I don't like to take risks where I won't know the outcome.
Maybe it is because I am scared....
That I don't move... That I take baby steps in each direction.... but somehow get farther down the road that others are telling me to take.
I don't know. But I want both... I need both.
I will make it work somehow. If I have to walk in the middle where there is no path... Sounds like an adventure.
Currently reading:
Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College
By Jennifer Worick
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
This is for you. Thank you.
As college looms closer and closer everyday, I start realizing that this is it. Life has started, I am adult who has to claim every action she takes and makes. Scary as hell, I will admit.
It makes me wonder where my childhood has gone and how did I become the person I am today. I mean, would I be the same if I had not met certain people? Somehow I doubt it.
So... This is for you. Each and every following statements are for those who built or chipped away parts of me, creating the young woman facing the world today. No names... So you are never going to know who in the hell I am talking about unless... well, you know. I am not going to censor myself. Just a warning. Not alot, but it is kinda there.
1. You bought love and laughter in to my life. I am sure I would never know how to handle my heart if I never met you. There were days I thought I would die of a breaking heart, but at the same time, I could never let go. That was until I realized that the greatest way I could show my love was to let go and hope that you would find happiness. Even if it meant that I couldn't be in your life. Now, I look back not with regret, but with contentment. Sure I would have loved to be with you then. Now I see you as a friend. Someone I can talk to when I need to. At least I hope that is what I can do.
2. What can I say that hasn't already been said? Friends for a long time. All best friends go through rough patches, and no one can say that we haven't had a few of those in the past years. Just God's way of testing us, I guess. You can be a bitch at times, but I love you for it. I am so glad you found happiness. Don't let anyone get in the way of it. You deserve this, so fight for it. No matter what. Fuck the stupid people, damn it. They don't understand anything. Oh... When it comes time for my wedding, I am still expecting that grand drunken toast you promised me in like 10th grade, ok?
3. It was doomed from the start, we both know that. With the talks of me being famous and married to some great guy... There was no way it was going to last very long. At least, I knew that. I know I was a bitch afterwards, but you have to admit that you were a complete asswipe. Lessons learned for the both of us, I suppose. I need to guard my heart a little more carefully. A healthy relationship is not based solely on Stephen King and math class. It comes from being close friends first followed by everything else. Never kiss someone unless you truly love them. Also, I don't have to do anything I don't want to. Best of luck in life.
4. There is no one else. I REALLY doubt it. I think you are the only person I can act like myself around. With a few exceptions of course. It is rare to find someone and feel the way I do. Words don't even start to describe how much emotion.... It is just... too much. I love you. This goofy smile has yet to disappear. We have already faced so much oppostion, and have overcome that. I know NOTHING can change how I feel. Not what people say or do. Screw them. They aren't us. I just can't wait. I am so excited. I feel like a little kid at Christmas, just waiting for Santa. But... he is wearing black and white and standing at the end of the way. Waiting for me. Oh my dear god. I can not wait.
5. This isn't really for a single person, more like a group. Without you guys, I would still be that shy little girl in the back of the room, completely unsure of who she wanted to be and hating herself. It was because of you that I broke out of my shell, and stopped caring about what others thought about me. It only mattered what I thought. I love me. Listening to your stories and becoming closer over the craziest things has inspired me to become more and do more with my life. Look at where I am going now. Thanks to you, I am on my way. Without the support and love I have gotten, I don't think I could have even made it through last year in the way that I did. I thrived after burning out and crumbling. You all picked me up out of the ashes, dusted me off and gave me a shove to keep moving in the way friends do. So... thanks again.
6. If they picked me up, you are definitely the one who pushed me down and lit the match. I didn't think it was possible for one person to be such a bitch, but you proved me wrong. Don't think that I don't know what you said. People talk more than I realized. Even long-time friends can turn out to be backstabbers in the end if it so suits them. You are the most envious, jealous person I have never met in my life. Not that I lived that long. 18 years... meh. But to come between two people in the way that you did. Damn. It felt like I was married. It was struggle to cut those ropes, but I can breathe a bit easier now that I did. Looking back, sure I had loads of fun. Don't get me wrong. There was some hella fun times we had together. You were like a sister to me, the closest person I had. That didn't care what mistakes I made or what I looked like. Or so I thought. Don't lead people on in that way. If you weren't so goddamn superfacial and two-faced... I am sure you would be coming over tonight, watching a movie or going somewhere with me. Instead, I choose not to talk to you to avoid getting myself back in that spot. It was a place I rather not visit again. Ever.
6. Your's was the first hand to reach out and grab me up from the floor. You are my sister. There is no one I would rather have than you. I feel like there is no reason to hide anything from you. True, we have two very different up-brings and by all means, shouldn't be close as we are. Fate is funny like that though. God truly has a great sense of humor. I thank him for bringing you into my life. My wonderful safety net. Can you believe it? We made that walk together, now life is speeding by. I will be here for you, no matter what.
Currently listening:
Boys Like Girls
Release date: 2007-04-03
It makes me wonder where my childhood has gone and how did I become the person I am today. I mean, would I be the same if I had not met certain people? Somehow I doubt it.
So... This is for you. Each and every following statements are for those who built or chipped away parts of me, creating the young woman facing the world today. No names... So you are never going to know who in the hell I am talking about unless... well, you know. I am not going to censor myself. Just a warning. Not alot, but it is kinda there.
1. You bought love and laughter in to my life. I am sure I would never know how to handle my heart if I never met you. There were days I thought I would die of a breaking heart, but at the same time, I could never let go. That was until I realized that the greatest way I could show my love was to let go and hope that you would find happiness. Even if it meant that I couldn't be in your life. Now, I look back not with regret, but with contentment. Sure I would have loved to be with you then. Now I see you as a friend. Someone I can talk to when I need to. At least I hope that is what I can do.
2. What can I say that hasn't already been said? Friends for a long time. All best friends go through rough patches, and no one can say that we haven't had a few of those in the past years. Just God's way of testing us, I guess. You can be a bitch at times, but I love you for it. I am so glad you found happiness. Don't let anyone get in the way of it. You deserve this, so fight for it. No matter what. Fuck the stupid people, damn it. They don't understand anything. Oh... When it comes time for my wedding, I am still expecting that grand drunken toast you promised me in like 10th grade, ok?
3. It was doomed from the start, we both know that. With the talks of me being famous and married to some great guy... There was no way it was going to last very long. At least, I knew that. I know I was a bitch afterwards, but you have to admit that you were a complete asswipe. Lessons learned for the both of us, I suppose. I need to guard my heart a little more carefully. A healthy relationship is not based solely on Stephen King and math class. It comes from being close friends first followed by everything else. Never kiss someone unless you truly love them. Also, I don't have to do anything I don't want to. Best of luck in life.
4. There is no one else. I REALLY doubt it. I think you are the only person I can act like myself around. With a few exceptions of course. It is rare to find someone and feel the way I do. Words don't even start to describe how much emotion.... It is just... too much. I love you. This goofy smile has yet to disappear. We have already faced so much oppostion, and have overcome that. I know NOTHING can change how I feel. Not what people say or do. Screw them. They aren't us. I just can't wait. I am so excited. I feel like a little kid at Christmas, just waiting for Santa. But... he is wearing black and white and standing at the end of the way. Waiting for me. Oh my dear god. I can not wait.
5. This isn't really for a single person, more like a group. Without you guys, I would still be that shy little girl in the back of the room, completely unsure of who she wanted to be and hating herself. It was because of you that I broke out of my shell, and stopped caring about what others thought about me. It only mattered what I thought. I love me. Listening to your stories and becoming closer over the craziest things has inspired me to become more and do more with my life. Look at where I am going now. Thanks to you, I am on my way. Without the support and love I have gotten, I don't think I could have even made it through last year in the way that I did. I thrived after burning out and crumbling. You all picked me up out of the ashes, dusted me off and gave me a shove to keep moving in the way friends do. So... thanks again.
6. If they picked me up, you are definitely the one who pushed me down and lit the match. I didn't think it was possible for one person to be such a bitch, but you proved me wrong. Don't think that I don't know what you said. People talk more than I realized. Even long-time friends can turn out to be backstabbers in the end if it so suits them. You are the most envious, jealous person I have never met in my life. Not that I lived that long. 18 years... meh. But to come between two people in the way that you did. Damn. It felt like I was married. It was struggle to cut those ropes, but I can breathe a bit easier now that I did. Looking back, sure I had loads of fun. Don't get me wrong. There was some hella fun times we had together. You were like a sister to me, the closest person I had. That didn't care what mistakes I made or what I looked like. Or so I thought. Don't lead people on in that way. If you weren't so goddamn superfacial and two-faced... I am sure you would be coming over tonight, watching a movie or going somewhere with me. Instead, I choose not to talk to you to avoid getting myself back in that spot. It was a place I rather not visit again. Ever.
6. Your's was the first hand to reach out and grab me up from the floor. You are my sister. There is no one I would rather have than you. I feel like there is no reason to hide anything from you. True, we have two very different up-brings and by all means, shouldn't be close as we are. Fate is funny like that though. God truly has a great sense of humor. I thank him for bringing you into my life. My wonderful safety net. Can you believe it? We made that walk together, now life is speeding by. I will be here for you, no matter what.
Currently listening:
Boys Like Girls
Release date: 2007-04-03
Monday, June 30, 2008
What are you going to do now?
"You graduated from high school, what are you going to do next?'
I AM GOING TO DISNEYWORLD! AHHHHH!
No lie. I found out Friday. OMG. OMG. OMG.
It was supposed to be a surprise until we got to the airport, but my mom's best friend accidently spilled the beans. You can only imgaine the internal screaming that went on at that moment. I love my parents. I really do. We at staying at the Port Orleans: Riverside which is one of the resorts on the park grounds. AH! I so excited.
This totally kicks butt. We are going for like seven days, leaving Wednesday morning at like 6. Not too bad. We have to be at the airport at like 4... Ah, crap. I didn't realize that. UGH! I hate waking up early. It is a pain in the ass. Oh well. Anything for DW, man. lol.
Currently listening:
Disney's Beauty and the Beast: The Broadway Musical (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
By Alan Menken
Release date: 1994-04-26
I AM GOING TO DISNEYWORLD! AHHHHH!
No lie. I found out Friday. OMG. OMG. OMG.
It was supposed to be a surprise until we got to the airport, but my mom's best friend accidently spilled the beans. You can only imgaine the internal screaming that went on at that moment. I love my parents. I really do. We at staying at the Port Orleans: Riverside which is one of the resorts on the park grounds. AH! I so excited.
This totally kicks butt. We are going for like seven days, leaving Wednesday morning at like 6. Not too bad. We have to be at the airport at like 4... Ah, crap. I didn't realize that. UGH! I hate waking up early. It is a pain in the ass. Oh well. Anything for DW, man. lol.
Currently listening:
Disney's Beauty and the Beast: The Broadway Musical (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
By Alan Menken
Release date: 1994-04-26
Monday, June 9, 2008
2008 5th Avenue High School Musical Awards
We didn't get to perform this year but I was nominated for an individual award. Outstanding Performance by an Actress in a Featured Ensemble Role. Sort of a long title. I didn't win. Sadly, but it was really cool to be nominated anyways.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Being myself, no matter what.
Hey. So I haven't posted anything in a long time... So here is a quick update.
1. Fiddler was an amazing show. If you missed it, you suck at life. Basically. It sold out every night the second week. AMAZING!
2. I was awarded the Best Female Thespian award, apparently the top award in the Kentwood Players program. Way exciting. Aaron S rightly got the Male one. He works so hard, I think he deserves a break.
3. I got a nomination for Outstanding Performance by an Actress in a Featured Ensemble Role from Fifth Ave. Yep. That is kinda cool. I guess.
4. And lastly..... I have a new boy!! He is a total sweetheart, and amazing. I pretty much love him. Hehehe. Yeah.
Thats about it.
----------------------------------
What the Beach Test Says About You
You like people, but you're careful about who you get close to. Friendship is important to you... so important that you aren't just friends with anyone.
You fall in love with ease and confidence. Even if you've had bad experiences in the past, each new love is a reason to start completely over.
You are deeply passionate about several things in your life. You're not passionate about much... and the few passions you have are truly obsessions.
Your sense of humor is goofy and silly. You are good at making almost anyone laugh.
Currently watching:
The Golden Compass (Full-Screen Single-Disc Edition)
Release date: 2008-04-29
1. Fiddler was an amazing show. If you missed it, you suck at life. Basically. It sold out every night the second week. AMAZING!
2. I was awarded the Best Female Thespian award, apparently the top award in the Kentwood Players program. Way exciting. Aaron S rightly got the Male one. He works so hard, I think he deserves a break.
3. I got a nomination for Outstanding Performance by an Actress in a Featured Ensemble Role from Fifth Ave. Yep. That is kinda cool. I guess.
4. And lastly..... I have a new boy!! He is a total sweetheart, and amazing. I pretty much love him. Hehehe. Yeah.
Thats about it.
----------------------------------
What the Beach Test Says About You
You like people, but you're careful about who you get close to. Friendship is important to you... so important that you aren't just friends with anyone.
You fall in love with ease and confidence. Even if you've had bad experiences in the past, each new love is a reason to start completely over.
You are deeply passionate about several things in your life. You're not passionate about much... and the few passions you have are truly obsessions.
Your sense of humor is goofy and silly. You are good at making almost anyone laugh.
Currently watching:
The Golden Compass (Full-Screen Single-Disc Edition)
Release date: 2008-04-29
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Rapunzel, Rapunzel...
Let down your hair.
So Disney is doing an animated version of Rapunzel. The picture of the young princess is goregous. The movie's visual style will be based on the painting "The Swing", by the French Rococo artist Jean-Honore Fragonard. So You know it is going to be lush, and lovely to look at. At least I hope so.
Check out the Princess here.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/1c/Rapunzel-Disney.jpg
Oh, down side... the movie doesn't come out till 2010! Ugh.
There is also to be another Princess movie after this, done by Pixar. The working/set title is The Bear and The Bow. Set in Scotland. WOOOT!
So Disney is doing an animated version of Rapunzel. The picture of the young princess is goregous. The movie's visual style will be based on the painting "The Swing", by the French Rococo artist Jean-Honore Fragonard. So You know it is going to be lush, and lovely to look at. At least I hope so.
Check out the Princess here.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/1c/Rapunzel-Disney.jpg
Oh, down side... the movie doesn't come out till 2010! Ugh.
There is also to be another Princess movie after this, done by Pixar. The working/set title is The Bear and The Bow. Set in Scotland. WOOOT!
Friday, March 28, 2008
ANDREW! NOOOOO!
I was watching the Apprentice the other day. The Celeb one. Piers, the British judge from America’s Got Talent, was calling people to show for a benefit.
One of the peeps happened to be Andrew Lloyd Webber, creation of the Phantom of the Opera musical.
Piers asked Mr. Webber to attend. I wasn’t paying attention at the moment, but something I did hear did get me to listen. "I can’t. I’m busy working on the Phantom sequel". Now at the time, I heard mumbling. Barely caught it.
So... I looked in to it. Just to make sure....
And I am shocked. It is going to be based off Frederick Forsyth’s novel "The Phantom of Manhattan". Working title is The Phantom in Manhattan.
The Daily Mail previously described the sequel plot this way: "The Phantom has slipped away to New York and has set up a fairground world on Coney Island, along with Madame Giry and her daughter, Meg. He organizes a concert in Manhattan for Christine, the object of his desire. Christine travels to the U.S. with her husband Raoul and their teenage son, who happens to be a musical genius...just like the Phantom."
Really now. I mean... Wow. Please someone. Stop him now.
That last bit about the teenage son.. who just happens to be a musical genius... Just like the phantom."
Always knew Christine wasn’t little Miss Innocent.
Take that Raoul!
The show is set to premier some time in 2009.
P.S: If they make a movie... Gerard better be the Phantom again. That is all I have to say about that. ^^
Currently listening:
The Phantom of the Opera (The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
By Andrew Lloyd Webber
Release date: 23 November, 2004
One of the peeps happened to be Andrew Lloyd Webber, creation of the Phantom of the Opera musical.
Piers asked Mr. Webber to attend. I wasn’t paying attention at the moment, but something I did hear did get me to listen. "I can’t. I’m busy working on the Phantom sequel". Now at the time, I heard mumbling. Barely caught it.
So... I looked in to it. Just to make sure....
And I am shocked. It is going to be based off Frederick Forsyth’s novel "The Phantom of Manhattan". Working title is The Phantom in Manhattan.
The Daily Mail previously described the sequel plot this way: "The Phantom has slipped away to New York and has set up a fairground world on Coney Island, along with Madame Giry and her daughter, Meg. He organizes a concert in Manhattan for Christine, the object of his desire. Christine travels to the U.S. with her husband Raoul and their teenage son, who happens to be a musical genius...just like the Phantom."
Really now. I mean... Wow. Please someone. Stop him now.
That last bit about the teenage son.. who just happens to be a musical genius... Just like the phantom."
Always knew Christine wasn’t little Miss Innocent.
Take that Raoul!
The show is set to premier some time in 2009.
P.S: If they make a movie... Gerard better be the Phantom again. That is all I have to say about that. ^^
Currently listening:
The Phantom of the Opera (The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
By Andrew Lloyd Webber
Release date: 23 November, 2004
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Repairing Everything.
I took a step.
May not seem big.
But to me...
It is a leap.
A leap across an abyss.
Another step.
Towards repairing the damage.
Towards fixing my heart.
Towards reconnecting myself.
Towards finding myself.
Just another step.
Currently reading:
Eclipse (Twilight, Book 3)
By Stephenie Meyer
Release date: 07 August, 2007
May not seem big.
But to me...
It is a leap.
A leap across an abyss.
Another step.
Towards repairing the damage.
Towards fixing my heart.
Towards reconnecting myself.
Towards finding myself.
Just another step.
Currently reading:
Eclipse (Twilight, Book 3)
By Stephenie Meyer
Release date: 07 August, 2007
Losing It... Losing Me.
I hate this feeling.
It is the sense of being disconnected from yourself and everything around you. Being a total robot on auto-pilot. Drifting through life.
I am out of control. I am just going through the motions. Doing what I need to survive. Not an excellent way to live.
Last year... I was connected. I was here. I was real. But I wasn't happy.
Now... I'm not. And still not happy.
I need something or someone to connect me back to myself. If I don't.. I am going disappear. Forever.
But who or what that is... I have not a single clue.
And that honestly scares me.
Currently listening:
Big Girls Don’t Cry
By Fergie
Release date: 16 July, 2007
It is the sense of being disconnected from yourself and everything around you. Being a total robot on auto-pilot. Drifting through life.
I am out of control. I am just going through the motions. Doing what I need to survive. Not an excellent way to live.
Last year... I was connected. I was here. I was real. But I wasn't happy.
Now... I'm not. And still not happy.
I need something or someone to connect me back to myself. If I don't.. I am going disappear. Forever.
But who or what that is... I have not a single clue.
And that honestly scares me.
Currently listening:
Big Girls Don’t Cry
By Fergie
Release date: 16 July, 2007
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
I am America’s Next Top Model
So... I had this awesome dream last night... Went something like this...
I was a contestant on America's Next Top Model, in the final-like four or something. It was time for the photoshoot and commerial shoot. It was this really cool apartment set for promoting this new line of perfumes. We were supposed to be international jewel theives, attempting to steal the perfume from a glass case.
There were male models acting as the FBI agents barraging in on our heist. The models were actors...
Turns out my partner in crime was Gerard Butler (AKA The Phantom and King Leondias). *drool*
I waited and watched the other's do their shoots. Which were honest crap. It came my turn to do it... Gerard smiled at me and went to start to talk to me on set when...
I FREAKING WOKE UP!!!
He is finally in my dreams... and I wake up. How incredibly cruel is that for you?
Currently watching:
The Phantom of the Opera (Two-Disc Special Edition)
Release date: 03 May, 2005
I was a contestant on America's Next Top Model, in the final-like four or something. It was time for the photoshoot and commerial shoot. It was this really cool apartment set for promoting this new line of perfumes. We were supposed to be international jewel theives, attempting to steal the perfume from a glass case.
There were male models acting as the FBI agents barraging in on our heist. The models were actors...
Turns out my partner in crime was Gerard Butler (AKA The Phantom and King Leondias). *drool*
I waited and watched the other's do their shoots. Which were honest crap. It came my turn to do it... Gerard smiled at me and went to start to talk to me on set when...
I FREAKING WOKE UP!!!
He is finally in my dreams... and I wake up. How incredibly cruel is that for you?
Currently watching:
The Phantom of the Opera (Two-Disc Special Edition)
Release date: 03 May, 2005
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