As college looms closer and closer everyday, I start realizing that this is it. Life has started, I am adult who has to claim every action she takes and makes. Scary as hell, I will admit.
It makes me wonder where my childhood has gone and how did I become the person I am today. I mean, would I be the same if I had not met certain people? Somehow I doubt it.
So... This is for you. Each and every following statements are for those who built or chipped away parts of me, creating the young woman facing the world today. No names... So you are never going to know who in the hell I am talking about unless... well, you know. I am not going to censor myself. Just a warning. Not alot, but it is kinda there.
1. You bought love and laughter in to my life. I am sure I would never know how to handle my heart if I never met you. There were days I thought I would die of a breaking heart, but at the same time, I could never let go. That was until I realized that the greatest way I could show my love was to let go and hope that you would find happiness. Even if it meant that I couldn't be in your life. Now, I look back not with regret, but with contentment. Sure I would have loved to be with you then. Now I see you as a friend. Someone I can talk to when I need to. At least I hope that is what I can do.
2. What can I say that hasn't already been said? Friends for a long time. All best friends go through rough patches, and no one can say that we haven't had a few of those in the past years. Just God's way of testing us, I guess. You can be a bitch at times, but I love you for it. I am so glad you found happiness. Don't let anyone get in the way of it. You deserve this, so fight for it. No matter what. Fuck the stupid people, damn it. They don't understand anything. Oh... When it comes time for my wedding, I am still expecting that grand drunken toast you promised me in like 10th grade, ok?
3. It was doomed from the start, we both know that. With the talks of me being famous and married to some great guy... There was no way it was going to last very long. At least, I knew that. I know I was a bitch afterwards, but you have to admit that you were a complete asswipe. Lessons learned for the both of us, I suppose. I need to guard my heart a little more carefully. A healthy relationship is not based solely on Stephen King and math class. It comes from being close friends first followed by everything else. Never kiss someone unless you truly love them. Also, I don't have to do anything I don't want to. Best of luck in life.
4. There is no one else. I REALLY doubt it. I think you are the only person I can act like myself around. With a few exceptions of course. It is rare to find someone and feel the way I do. Words don't even start to describe how much emotion.... It is just... too much. I love you. This goofy smile has yet to disappear. We have already faced so much oppostion, and have overcome that. I know NOTHING can change how I feel. Not what people say or do. Screw them. They aren't us. I just can't wait. I am so excited. I feel like a little kid at Christmas, just waiting for Santa. But... he is wearing black and white and standing at the end of the way. Waiting for me. Oh my dear god. I can not wait.
5. This isn't really for a single person, more like a group. Without you guys, I would still be that shy little girl in the back of the room, completely unsure of who she wanted to be and hating herself. It was because of you that I broke out of my shell, and stopped caring about what others thought about me. It only mattered what I thought. I love me. Listening to your stories and becoming closer over the craziest things has inspired me to become more and do more with my life. Look at where I am going now. Thanks to you, I am on my way. Without the support and love I have gotten, I don't think I could have even made it through last year in the way that I did. I thrived after burning out and crumbling. You all picked me up out of the ashes, dusted me off and gave me a shove to keep moving in the way friends do. So... thanks again.
6. If they picked me up, you are definitely the one who pushed me down and lit the match. I didn't think it was possible for one person to be such a bitch, but you proved me wrong. Don't think that I don't know what you said. People talk more than I realized. Even long-time friends can turn out to be backstabbers in the end if it so suits them. You are the most envious, jealous person I have never met in my life. Not that I lived that long. 18 years... meh. But to come between two people in the way that you did. Damn. It felt like I was married. It was struggle to cut those ropes, but I can breathe a bit easier now that I did. Looking back, sure I had loads of fun. Don't get me wrong. There was some hella fun times we had together. You were like a sister to me, the closest person I had. That didn't care what mistakes I made or what I looked like. Or so I thought. Don't lead people on in that way. If you weren't so goddamn superfacial and two-faced... I am sure you would be coming over tonight, watching a movie or going somewhere with me. Instead, I choose not to talk to you to avoid getting myself back in that spot. It was a place I rather not visit again. Ever.
6. Your's was the first hand to reach out and grab me up from the floor. You are my sister. There is no one I would rather have than you. I feel like there is no reason to hide anything from you. True, we have two very different up-brings and by all means, shouldn't be close as we are. Fate is funny like that though. God truly has a great sense of humor. I thank him for bringing you into my life. My wonderful safety net. Can you believe it? We made that walk together, now life is speeding by. I will be here for you, no matter what.
Currently listening:
Boys Like Girls
Release date: 2007-04-03
